As I prepare to retire this summer, I reflect back over my career–my calling and the path the Lord laid out for me–filled with so much joy and so much pain. I can clearly see where the spiritual act of mercy, bearing wrongs patiently, made all the difference for my life and where I am today. I am thankful for the challenges that helped me to grow physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Some of my darkest moments created opportunities for the Light of Christ to shine through. His Grace always sustained me.
One thing that occurs to me as I reflect on the twenty-five years I have spent in the Air Force is that this wonderful institution is also a machine, a bureaucracy, and it will take everything you give it. For this reason Airmen need to be servant leaders and true to their values. They must know their purpose and establish their own limits of sacrifice. When the Air Force says we value “Service before self”, we are not saying “Service before everything”, especially not “Service at the cost of your relationship with Christ; at the cost of your marriage; at the cost of your relationship with your children.”
This is often misunderstood by Airmen, and when this happens it causes great pain, tremendous regret, loss, or anger over the feelings of being wronged. Even when we have our sense of purpose, our values, and our priorities right, we can still experience grief and suffering during our military service.
Despite this, however, the machine will keep running, no matter the loss to the unit, the leader, or the individual. In the demands of this bureaucracy, as the big blue machine takes everything you give it, wrongs will occur seemingly out of your control. Policy change can directly affect your ability to continue serving in uniform. Deployments can disrupt your family dynamics and challenge your moral fiber. Toxic leaders can make poor decisions that affect your professional growth or your trust in the institution. All these challenges are natural parts of a large military organization, despite the checks and balances.
Yet, we have Christ’s examples of Mercy to see us through. Christ was wrongly accused, wrongly punished, and He suffered not for His sins, but for our sins. Even to the very end of His journey to the Cross, He cried out “Yet not my Will, but Yours be done. He bore our wrongs with patience, fully trusting in our Father in Heaven, knowing the suffering was for the greater good.
Bearing wrongs patiently has helped me see the Grace of God working in my life. That spiritual work of Mercy helped me grow in His love, and it helped me be His Light to others. When I became angry, reacted poorly to being wronged, or sought justice, I suffered far more than when I responded with compassion and with love in action. During those dark times with my poor response, I damaged relationships and negatively affected my work climate. I felt alone, and worst of all, I lost the ability to be Christ to others. The bitterness and anger grew in my heart, and with the help of a coworker, I realized I was on a very bad path.
I am retiring with my husband and daughter at my side, many friends and family attending, an amazing group of Airmen around me. I know how very blessed I am because God’s Mercy works through me every day. Over the years, I have found that pride kills love and that ego and retribution will eclipse the Light of Christ shining through you. Bear wrongs patiently, as wrongs will continue to be a part of each of our lives, and continue to spread the Love of God. Join me in sharing God’s great Mercy today and every day.
